I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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