I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
