sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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