community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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