Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
