A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
