Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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