i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
