The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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