Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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