you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?