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This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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