they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.