sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.