Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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