why didn't you poke me back
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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