I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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