Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
