we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again