I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.