Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.

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(315): you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva. http://tfl.nu/9emb

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(248): View more from Michigan

If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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(248): If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in http://tfl.nu/mb19

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(703): View more from Virginia

we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

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(703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl

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(650): View more from California

they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

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(650): they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids. http://tfl.nu/zjz8

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(707): View more from California

You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

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(707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg

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(218): View more from Minnesota

If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

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(218): If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me http://tfl.nu/kwsp

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(719): View more from Colorado

We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting

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(719): We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting http://tfl.nu/vcgc

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(530): View more from California

She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

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(530): She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth. http://tfl.nu/q63e

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(816): View more from Missouri

He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

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(816): He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/ljav

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(770): View more from Georgia

Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.

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(770): Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/w4kd

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(775): View more from Nevada

Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob

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(775): Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob http://tfl.nu/1w2d

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

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(860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis http://tfl.nu/bzb9

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(714): View more from California

The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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(714): The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet. http://tfl.nu/xgey

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(607): View more from New York

Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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(607): Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised? http://tfl.nu/o7ko

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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(336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5

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