remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.