You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are