my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize