Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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