I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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