I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
