So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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