When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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