dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
