I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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