he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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