oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
