you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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