i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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