Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
