So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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