My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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