3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
