I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
