We named our party play list daddy issues
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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