I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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