dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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