SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
