I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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