Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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