Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
