I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
