youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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