Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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