mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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