I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
