She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize