would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The best revenge is premature balding
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
