im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
