WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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