he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
